…I thought I did…guess I didn’t completely

Went to church today like not online but the actual building and boy did Jesus meet me there.  I went last week too on Saturday which was great but today…was different.  He started right out the gate with “Hey you, yes you, YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE HIM”.  Of course I’m like “well I thought I did…guess I didn’t completely – again.”  How many times do we forgive the same offense?  From what I understand, continuous.  Now, with that said I am not one that forgets easily so I may have a hard time with forgiveness based on the fact that I don’t forget.  This is all the wacky world according to Andrea so don’t take this as gospel.  Life is hard man, adulting is super hard and being a responsible adult who has been hurt and is supposed to forgive several times for the same damn offense is asking a whole damn lot.  Right? I’m right aren’t I?  This is too much forgiving right?

Apparently not.  As we are all sinful in nature and screw up daily to which we should be asking God forgiveness is it not the same principle.  Ughhhhhhhhh, adulting = hard shit!!! (sorry to cuss and use God in same paragraph but ummm, this is who I am) Forgiveness asked.  So, to further complicate the forgiveness process in my head I would need to go back and tell the once thought forgiven person that I forgive you yet again for hurting me yet again.  That sounds redundant but I guess it’s necessary.  How many of us are carrying hurts and baggage that we need to let go?  Oh just me, okay. Well I am this day doing what I gotta do to start a clean slate, fresh start, HARD RESET.  I will forgive yet again, sidebar but not really.  Did you know or ever hear that sometimes you have to forgive before you even get a damn apology?  Who does that?  Yeah, yeah I know that’s crazy but now kinda makes sense because you could be waiting for the second coming before you get an apology from the following: those who don’t believe they owe you one, those that don’t know they should offer you one and those who just ain’t gone give you one.

Now I want to emphasis this little gem, just because an apology is offered does NOT mean you have to accept it.  Again, this is all ME, this is my theory, thought process and method of operation I don’t speak for the masses but felt that should be addressed.  It is the belief of most people that if someone say’s sorry or I apologize that you have to accept it right?  I call bullshit on that theory.  I have my own reasons why but I just don’t believe you have to accept it in all cases.

So my to do today.  Offer forgiveness yet again, for being hurt one mo time by the one that says he loves me more than anything.  I know that my attitude dictates the direction of my life whether is goes forward, backward, sideways or upside down.  In order to do better one must live better or vice versa or none of that.  Either way it’s all a personal decision and up to you how you handle it.  I am choosing to win. I am choosing ME.  I am choosing to buckle up and ride a little long on this crazy ride called life.  I am tired, worn, weary but I know that it ain’t over til it’s over.  Strapping my helmet on tighter to run a little longer.  Here we go…

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