The End Of Level 51

….it’s time to start something NEW

Oh my GAWD!!!! What a year of transformation Level 51 was for me.

In May of 2019, I realized that my marriage of 20 years had run it’s course. I got my first bone fracture last June. Got to wear a boot…don’t recommend that if you can avoid it. I got to live in a house with a man that would not even talk to me, and as a kicker, I slept in the same bed with him from September until he moved in January 2020. Next I had to figure out how to live as a single female. Biggest lesson was how to be ok with just being me, not a mom, or wife or an anything just little ole Andrea Latrice.

Then winter 2020, Ms. CaRona D. Virus came along and taught me how to be ok with not being ok. It’s one thing to be in the house because you want to be but it’s an entirely different situation when you are in the house because your life just might depend on it. To be just you and the walls. There are only so many walls to wash, bottles to craft or pages to colors. After a while it can all become too much. You then appreciate more the awesomeness of your therapist and the crew you have in your life that check on you. Whew Lawd….and it’s ONLY JULY!!

Life is never boring when you are trying to do what’s good for you and what’s deemed as right. There are twists and turns, much like a rollercoaster. Your heart races, your stomach drops and when that moment is over, you question; Do I want to go another round? To say no means you go home always wondering if the second round would be just as interesting as the first, or say yes and realize that hell, the second go was just as stomach curling as the first and I didn’t enjoy it any more. Here’s the kicker…until you die, you are on a constant ride of some sort. Sometimes it’s just the merry go round…the scene stays the same and you just go up and down and round and round. Then you have the Star Level Costers from all the parks in the land and you are tossed, turned, flipped around, thrown backwards and come to some hard abrupt stops. In between those two extremes are the mediocre rides that stop, start, go fast then stop, and right before it gets going…it slows to a halt and your time on THIS ride is over. Remember, there are more rides to ride…whether you want to or not.

So as I write this, memoir to be ever reminded of just another hurdle that I yet got over I have a few take aways.

1. Get over yourself Andrea. Thats just a note to me.

2. Your past is behind you. You must move forward. What has been done has been done. You can’t change the past but you damn sure can participate in the narrative of your future.

3. Let people love you. You are not damaged. You are a person who has been hurt and that hurt has made you as you are. However, you are allowed to change, grow and move out of the comfort of the pain that has held you captive. You are love…let love come to you.

4. You are special to at least a few people. Let that marinate in your spirit. Folks actually like you, despite what your haters say. As long as you have haters it means you are doing something right…however small. Keep that shit up.

5. Your children are great people and you are partly responsible for that. That is something to truly be proud of.

6. Your presence in the lives of those that care about you is not a mistake.

7. Quit being so quick to speak against yourself. Deal with your feelings. You are allowed to be hurt but you can’t be so damn sensitive AND not willing to discuss it. Almost messed up a great relationship. Stop that Shit!!!

8. Stop expecting yourself from others. You can’t make people react the way you wan’t them to and you can’t get mad when they don’t.

9. No matter the shitty things that have happened to you you are like the lotus flower that grows out of the mud because you continue to fight. It’s not always pretty but you push through and keep going in spite of and for that you are a winner.

10. Laughter is so good for the soul. My soul has been blessed by and with folks that make me laugh. I was told that it was their job to make me laugh. Job well done.

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