This chapter of my journey is called by Invitation Only, and with that, everybody won’t be going.
My mind does this thing where it replays all the worst scenarios that have ever happened…I’m 53, there’s a lot of footage. Some parts are dark and scary, others are driven by anger and a great deal of fear. There are moments where I was a mistake or bad decision away from potential life altering scenarios. Whew, why does that movie keep replaying? I have to believe that it is because I am an emotional creature and I want to make sure that none of that shitshow carries forward with me. While our past form our present and our future selves I have to make sure all the demons of yesterday have properly been put to rest and their heads are in cool jars on the shelves of my mind. Sounds kinda creepy but if you know me, like to my core then it makes sense. So I sit here, wondering what this next chapter of my life is going to bring. I’m excited and leery, not really nervous but moderately apprehensive not for lack of trust but for the reality of the unknown, still wanting to go but wanting to make sure I have a helmet and plenty of wine.
I have learned one thing for certain and two things for damn sure. Moving in silence is key. Not out of secrecy per se but it has been stated and proven over and over again that all the people in your corner are not in your circle, or something to that degree. People will be in your business not to cheer you on but to sabotage you. Sad but true. Sure you can share some plans just not those that will suffer at the hands of negative energy which essentially becomes all of them, you just have to know your audience. Know when to hold em, when to fold em, when to walk away and certainly when to speed walk away, I am not running, bad knees and all. Not happening.
As I prepare to enjoy this year of my life, I got into it as my nana jr. (bonus granddaughter) did the first time she encountered snow…with wide eyes and the little voice that says OHHHH innocently and with wonder. I wonder this, and ohhhhh that is happening, and wide eyed excitement at the possibilities of joy and hugs, yes that gets an OHHHHHH. The lack of intimate human touch has been missing for a long time for me (damn pandemic). Despite that I am greatly anticipating that things are going to work out the way they are supposed to.