This song gives me all the feels and the grooves that make your booty move. I am in a funk for various reasons, but this song along with all this particular artists other works and a plethora of other artist manage to seep into that spot that is full of whatever emotion of the moment is taking over and like a doctor that can calm the most nervous patient…does that “thing”. That magical thing that only those with talent can do, make whatever that crisis was; BETTER. Not eliminated just BETTER. That’s what I need today, just BETTER. Better what though? A Better life? Better friends? Better job? No, none of that just BETTER! I know someone knows what I mean.
I’m in a state right now, where the same ole is no longer going to work for me. As my mother says, “Shit or get off the damn pot”. I feel that in every fiber of all that I am today. Today I allow myself to let it out…I can’t allow the state of mediocrity hold me captive. I demand BETTER of not only myself but of the people I choose to be in my space. I realized today, well no, I finally came to grips with a few things I had been holding on to, that I need to let go. While it is true as it is said that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, I need to do better with realizing that no matter how bad I might the reason or season to last a lifetime, it ain’t always to be, Drea. Yes, I have to talk to myself and say it out loud, (she is stubborn and doesn’t listen). Today, I had two major reason/season moments with myself and had to turn it loose. The end of the road is here…this is your stop. GET OUT, and good bye (not see you later, but BYE FELICIA).
I hate having big feelings, (I heard Adele say that) and its true. Sometimes, with some situations the feelings are so freaking overwhelming and they can drown you. While I know this about myself, I can’t make it not be so, I am an emotional creature (while pretending to be a “thug” – mean and badass) that cries at all the wrong times; mainly when I haven’t scheduled it and I feel everything so deeply. I don’t like any of this. I take all things (done to me) personal. How else can you take it. These egregious things done that hurt me so bad don’t even have to be large, it doesn’t matter, you did it to me and now I deal with the pain. WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Why am I made this way? Why do I have to have the big feelings? Why do I have to care about people that seemingly don’t give a fuck about me? Why can’t I get the minions that live in my brain to not play the scenes over and over and over and over and over again that keep the pain fresh and on the surface. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….I don’t know but I have to believe that it’s to serve a greater purpose?? Yeah okay I don’t believe it either.
Life is a Walk in the Park (another Jarrod Lawson song), my park is defiantly Jurassic Park; ALL OF THEM! I am not sure how I made it this far without being eaten by the Velociraptors (my favorite dinosaur) while strolling the said park, having the big feelings. You can laugh, that was funny…I am kinda sick and twisty at times so as displayed in these writings. Whew (exhaling), what in the world to do? In keeping the music playing (All that surrounds me, yes also by Jarrod Lawson) leads to further questions. Where did I go so wrong? Why is this MY LIFE? Could this still be Karma from, well, that stuff I did? Why are my feelings SO BIG??? Do I not cry enough? ( I will by the time this is published). Am I supposed to be this way forever?? Should I get some cats? (by some I mean Hoarders episode amount)..Whew (exhale). I don’t even know what’s going on with me (line from the song) he’s talking about the beauty that surrounds him, me; not so much. That beauty is not showing right now.
I know it’s there, out THERE somewhere. I’ve seen it, I’ve heard many great tales about it. I see people that I know basking in it, yet, I stand at the fence looking into the field where it lives, not feeling welcome to partake.
Oh the time has come for you and I to go our separate ways. I need you to know that you will always be precious to me babe, Oh we tried and we tried and we tried to fulfill each other’s needs to the best of our ability Tried so hard but the reality is love isn’t always enough – Love Isn’t Always Enough Jarrod Lawson“
Now that song, well just that part, is enough. Let that simmer in your spirit. You can’t force things to be what they aren’t and can’t be. I tried so hard and yet here I sit, alone Big Feelings all over me…then this song on repeat for the 5th time….and yeah. As I sing at the top of my lungs…cause this song. It says a lot in five minutes. It says it all, to me. For me, about me, and then the big feelings lose some of their muster. The reality – love isn’t always enough. If you couldn’t tell, I really like this artist, like REALLY!!! He gives the 88 keys the business and his voice…swoon. Yeah, this is where I am realizing that sometimes, it’s not about ME. While it’s personal, it’s not my cross to bear. I need (and I know all of this already) unpack my bag from toting shit that ain’t mine to carry. There is a song by Erykah Badu called Bag Lady. My daughter always told me that song reminded her of me because of all the bags I would carry going to work. As I actually listened with my “heart” to the lyrics she was right, I was a bag lady, carrying a bunch of shit that did not belong me. Once I got that lesson, and put MOST of those bags down, my back felt better and I could move a little different.
However, my dear Jarrod sings of a music and love that have to power to heal, Soul Symphony is the title of that song. Yeah, he’s right because music, his music has helped me feel better about my feelings. Music heals the soul and the soul is probably where love lives (I am guessing, I clearly don’t know) and music makes love to our ears right? Then it makes all the feels and warm and cozy stuff happen. That’s why they have baby making music right? Incognito sings of being Spellbound and Speechless. Yeah, maybe that might be pushing it for me. I don’t know how many times I have been speechless in my life, not sure if I want to start now, but hey if the right one come along then I will play this song for him. Life is full of melodies. Some that make us tap our feet and snap our fingers and others that we can’t find the button to change the tune fast enough. Either way, there is a song for each of us. We all dance to a different beat than the next person and that friends, is okay. We are all different in how we feel, how we love, how we cope or not. We each have a method of making it to the next day.
Then when we are fortunate enough to put it all together and find that person that makes our heart sing, we can play No One by the man himself Mr. George Duke.
https://youtu.be/2O9f4wSrjRU (follow this link to hear the song)
There is no one in my life but you
Through the sun and rain, through the joy and the pain
I know that our love will remain
Emotions and music make such great bedfellows. It’s funny sometimes, I just HAVE to write without any clear direction on what I want or need to say.
I know that my heart was full and my attitude was poor when I started this writing. I feel better now. Thanks music….