Here I GROW!!!!

Today I write about growth. Not consequently we just started a journey at church of the same title. However, this growth I am talking about is outside the spiritual realm. The growth of self. The realization that all relationships are not meant to be forever, that friendships don’t always go with you until old age and all of that is just fine. It’s part of the process by which we reassess the things, people and situations around us and make the hard choices or not so hard in some cases to just walk the other way. Growth is a semi painful process and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Growing pangs happen not just in the process of growing up (from child to teen to adult) but also the pangs of growing after “life happens” (heart break, failed relationships, loss of loved ones) etc.

As all things line up the way they are supposed to and as timing would have it I got this post from a classmate, Mr. Rondu Powers. He wrote, “We all have a seasons where our vibe changes; some of growth others of decline, the trick is to make the most of them”. I let that marinate in my spirit on how that ties into what I’m saying here. This is my season of growth and making the most of it is a must. Why you ask? Great question. Let me tell you. I can’t afford not to grow. Life, my life, full of red flags, bad decisions and fear held me hostage, stagnant and still for the past 17 years and we will not repeat that shit again. No sir, no ma’am. Growth is the process by which I say what I mean and mean what I say. Growth is reclaiming my power in my life and being true to myself. Growth is not accepting anyone’s bullshit for the sake of a relationship. Nah, I’m good on that. Growth is also showing and having grace, we are all in a battle of some sort and sometimes we just need to step back and extend some grace. This is huge for me. In my growth coming back and apologizing for not being kind or graceful especially to those I care about. How dare I. This is a constant fight, and one I’m willing to take on each time as it shows that I realize that I could have handled a situation better than I did AND not ashamed to circle back around and apologize. Growth!!! Growth is seeing the red flag, calling it out, touching it and allowing it to be red, over there…not where I am. Growth, is sitting in the feelings, allowing them to be and figuring out what the next move is to get beyond them, over them, in front of them. GROWTH!!!

I have been able to grow over these last 2 years because I had to have the hard talks with myself (and my therapist) about the things I didn’t want to discuss. Those talks lead me to a place of peace, comfort and stability, in and for myself. GROWTH!!! Saying no and not feeling bad about it. Saying no because it’s not what you want to do, it’s not what you enjoy doing, or you just don’t want to do that. GROWTH!!! Letting people go that don’t mean you any good. They don’t want to be a part of your growth and therefore should go, far far away! GROWTH! I have challenged myself to not cut my hair this year. GROWTH! It’s a practice in patience, to which I realize I don’t really have but I made it work, to a degree.

I’m still a work in progress but I’m growing and learning and living and being the best me I can be. It’s because of growth. I am here for all the growth that is for me to do, we can’t get out of life alive and if you do it right, one time is enough. Let’s grow through it….

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