If you follow this blog, you are more than aware of the conversations I have with myself, out loud, sharing them with you. Well this one is even better as I remind myself to slow down just a tad. Once again, I find myself in precarious situations – thankfully though I was able to back pedal the hell out of this one, fast and at full speed. So you may remember that special someone I had talked about in some earlier blogs? Well, he is still around and I still like him but I have made a conscious effort to be a smarter me moving forward in all aspects of life. Especially where it involves matters of MY HEART because not only do I not have another heart break in me, I also don’t have a great deal of patience for other folks and their bullshit, on any level.
Revelation for this month involves the notion of not putting all my eggs in one basket. I had to pull back because I saw myself recreating patterns of red flag behavior and that was not okay. Here’s the thing I FOUND!!! When you have had an inkling of peace and enjoy it, like a lot, you refuse to let ANYONE, (no matter how handsome he may be) destroy that and I mean NOBODY (did I mention how handsome he is?), NOBODY!!! I had to catch myself for being 9 eggs in and he hadn’t yet proven that he had ANY eggs let alone a basket to put them in. So, yeah, pump da brakes, Drea – you moving to fast honey, and so, I did. I pumped them to a halt. I had seemingly become to wrapped up and not to say that it was too fast but I had reached that point in the ‘ship, by myself. I was down the street and around the corner and he was still on the porch, and that is absolutely fine. I just needed to go in the house and start over.
I was stressing about things that he kinda “blew off” even though WE discussed the importance of doing said things. Yeah, red flag much – yeah, that.
There were other things and those were just as concerning and red flaggish so I had to make the choice; give up my much hard fought for peace or give him up (I did mention how handsome he is right?)
Peace was my choice, it was the only one that made sense.
Since I made that choice a few things have happened. My stress level went down, I have been able to let things be what they are, I ain’t forcing SHIT!!! Not only that, I have been able to see how making this choice works to my advantage in other ways. If you like someone, you make an effort to show that or it shows that you don’t. I do my part…the rest will work itself out the way it’s supposed to. I guess we are still a “thing” just a slow moving one. No matter, I’m coasting through the end of this year. I have also taken the time to just be still. Coloring is my “thing” and I’ve done that, just enjoying being stress free. STRESSING is also my thing, but I’m deciding to do less of that, cause ain’t nobody got time for that.
No stress, no lady’s dusty son making me crazy or mad about him not doing what he said he was going to do. I’m going to let you be great…over there. I am learning how to relax and allow what’s going to be, be. No forcing on my part. My energy is important and worth maintaining.
Pump da brakes…go slow and enjoy the ride.